Today we celebrate those companies embodying the holiday season and spirit — and willing to lay people off just before Dec. 25!
United Laying off 500 at SFO on Dec. 7 in Celebration of Bombing of Pearl Harbor
United is laying off 107 at LAX and 499 at SFO on Dec. 7, the anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor. “Is this some kind of joke?” asked employee Fibber McGinty. Company officials thought it an appropriate message, provided no employees show up with bombs — then immediately called for more security.
Capital Beverage Co. Starts Laying off 100, Employees Commandeer Beer Trucks
Capital Beverage Co. began laying off 100 employees this week and the newly jobless took over trucks and began a wave of beer bongs that turned later in fountains of projectile vomit. The custodial staff, also laid off, wisely left early.
E-Loan Finds 270 Layoffs E-Asy
E-Loan Inc. is laying off 270 on Dec. 22 in Pleasanton. One advantage is that being so close to Stoneridge Mall, they can get their last paycheck and then attempt to steal Xmas presents. Sure, there’s a chance they could be caught, but with 270, there’s at least a dozen that are going to get an awesome Xmas stash.
