(Invis)Align Lays Off 111 in Santa Clara, moves operations to Costa Rica so customers can learn Spanish
”We feel we are giving our customers a value-added product by improving their Spanish,” said Align Technology spokesman Jawad McFlack. “They now have invisible braces and can possibly be bilingual, just like our Costa RIcan serfs–uh, I meant workers. Don’t print that.”
Yahoo! says it’s laying off 10 percent of it workers, Jerry Yang plans secret bunker in Nebraska
While stockholders attempted to take over the company, Jerry Yang and others planned an escape to Neverland® where the unfortunate Web portal would always be relevant, cool and trendy. Unluckily, the underground tunnel ended in Nebraska where they were found by bored billionnaire gadfly Carl Icahn, whose punishment was putting them on the tech support call desk. Yang escaped by Segway.
FDIC’s move to Orange County cuts commute to failing banks, mortgage companies
With the rising cost of gas, federal employees decided to move to the epicenter of failed financial companies — Irvine, Calif. FDIC official Federale McGinty said he looked forward to closing down banks and arresting the cast of The O.C. “I have to say that Adam Brody character always annoyed me, and then he got that hot Rachel Bilson,” he said.
Tesla Lays off quarter of staff, does it kill the electric car?
The Santa Rosa, Calif.-based start-up, Tesla Motors, may be under the elaborate curse of inventor Nikola Tesla. “Money means nothing to me,” Nikola Tesla’s ghost said in a press release.” However, I am the Father of Modern Physics, patron saint of electromagnetics, the alcalde of alternating current, the poobah of polyphase power distribution. . . . I cannot condone the use of my name to hawk an expensive car so losers can get laid.” The ghost then cursed its CEO, made the assembled reporters watch his latest teleporting experiment and disappeared.
