Misery Loves Company: Xmas Bonus Edition (Dec. 4)

Posted on December 4, 2008 | Leave a comment

Today we celebrate those companies embodying the holiday season and spirit — and willing to lay people off just before Dec. 25!

pearl_harborUnited Laying off 500 at SFO on Dec. 7 in Celebration of Bombing of Pearl Harbor

United is laying off 107 at LAX and 499 at SFO on Dec. 7, the anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor. “Is this some kind of joke?” asked employee Fibber McGinty. Company officials thought it an appropriate message, provided no employees show up with bombs — then immediately called for more security.

Capital Beverage Co. Starts Laying off 100, Employees Commandeer Beer Trucks 

Capital Beverage Co. began laying off 100 employees this week and the newly jobless took over trucks and began a wave of beer bongs that turned later in fountains of projectile vomit. The custodial staff, also laid off, wisely left early.

E-Loan Finds 270 Layoffs E-Asy

E-Loan Inc. is laying off 270 on Dec. 22 in Pleasanton. One advantage is that being so close to Stoneridge Mall, they can get their last paycheck and then attempt to steal Xmas presents. Sure, there’s a chance they could be caught, but with 270, there’s at least a dozen that are going to get an awesome Xmas stash.

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The Whole List

Posted on December 4, 2008 | Leave a comment

This is the whole California list of layoffs/closures from CoStar, titled, “Sheeeet!” (They’re from the South.)
The following future closings and permanent mass layoffs were reported in California.

  • Actel Corp. is laying off 54 employees on 12/15/2008 at 2061 Stierlin Court in Mountain View.
  • Activision Blizzard is laying off 23 employees on 12/19/2008 at 6060 Center Drive, 5th Floor in Los Angeles.
  • AIGM and 21st Century Insurance Co. is closing down and laying off 106 employees on 12/26/2008 at 1800 East Imperial Highway, Suite 100 in Brea.
  • AT&T Messaging is closing down and laying off 39 employees on 12/23/2008 at 2623 Camino Ramon in San Ramon.
  • Capital Beverage Co. has started laying off 100 employees at 2424 Del Monte St. in West Sacramento.
  • Castaic Brick is laying off 77 employees on 12/24/2008 at 32201 Castaic Lake Drive in Castaic.
  • Chase Home Lending is closing down and laying off 58 employees on 12/5/2008 at 2633 Camino Ramon in San Ramon.
  • Conagra Foods Inc. is closing down and laying off 23 employees on 12/12/2008 at 200 Boysenberry Lane in Placentia.
  • Dealtree Inc. is laying off 82 employees on 12/6/2008 at 16901 Jamboree Road in Irvine.
  • Electronic Arts Inc. is laying off 56 employees at 5510 Lincoln Blvd. in Playa Vista, 49 employees at 1100 Glendale Ave. 19th Floor, in Los Angeles and 48 employees at 209 Redwood Shores Parkway in Redwood City on 12/31/2008.
  • E-Loan Inc. is laying off 270 employees on 12/22/2008 at 6230 Stoneridge Mall Road in Pleasanton.
  • Epicor Software Corp. at 195 Technology Drive in Irvine is laying off about 10% of its workforce of about 280 employees.
  • Goldenpark LLC is closing down and started laying off 114 employees at 13111 Sycamore Drive in Norwalk.
  • Goodrich Aerostructures Inc. has started laying off 87 employees at 850 Lagoon Drive in Chula Vista.
  • GPSG North America is laying off 40 employees on 12/19/2008 at 700 Eubanks Drive in Vacaville.

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Misery Loves Company! (Dec. 2)

Posted on December 2, 2008 | Leave a comment
SchwarziSigns

At a recent press conference, the Governator attempts to kill a nosy reporter with his optical death ray.

California Has Highest Unemployment Rates in Nation (Almost, But Who Cares About Rhode Island?)

Statewide unemployment rocketted to  8.2 percent in October, a 14-year high. Only Michigan and Rhode Island, both considerably cheaper and known as the Kmart of states, had higher joblessness, both at 9.3 percent. Our illustrious EDD showed a loss of 26,400 jobs last month. And the worst part . . .

Governator Says We Don’t Have Money, So Please Work at 7-11 Already

Gov. Schwarzenegger declared his 143rd “state of emergency” this year, this time writing in “Fiscal” in front of the emergency press release,  in hopes of getting a federal bailout. But since he doesn’t own a bank and isn’t an automaker, the old action hero may be out of luck — and the state’s running out of money to pay for unemployment benefits, so says the North County Times – if you believe what someone from Escondido says, that is.

J.P. Morgan Chase Tells WaMu Workers, “Woo Hoo! You’re Laid Off!”

Chase lays off 21 percent of WaMu employees, about 1,600 in the Bay Area that will celebrate Spring by being unemployed. Enjoy the empty Easter baskets, kids, Chase killed the Easter Bunny!

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Laid-Off Journal is on Thanksgiving Vacation!

Posted on November 28, 2008 | Leave a comment

Yes, it could just be that I’m lazy, but I also need some mental health days to deal with parents and lots of questions about my job prospects.

The LOJ will be back on Tuesday!

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Misery Loves Company! (Nov. 18, 2008)

Posted on November 18, 2008 | Leave a comment

SunshirSun Microsystems to Lay Off 6,000, Little or No Sunblock

Microchip maker Sun Microsystems decides to lay off 6,000 globally, is cursed at in 32 languages.

Oakland closes libraries, museums because kids need to stay on drugs/have crime sprees

In an effort to save money, the City of Oakland decided to close down its city buildings/services like its libraries, museums and city offices at least once a month. “Kids don’t go to libraries and museums anyway,” said City spokesman Scrooge McGinty. “Besides in Oakland, while the kids may not excel in school or academics, here they excel in street crime. It’s letting the kids get better at what they do.”

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Misery Loves Company! (Nov. 11, 2008)

Posted on November 11, 2008 | Leave a comment
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The Cool People You Meet Working at the Container Store

Getting a Temp Job at a Store this Holiday Season, Is Harder than Getting into Stanford

OK, they said Harvard, but I’m in California, so what do I care? Anyway, that said … $8.50 an hour or a degree in engineering? “Nah,” said Sanjay McGupta, “I’m not into all that high-tech stuff, too much turnover. I want a four-week, $8.50 an hour job at the Container Store.”

DHL To Lay off 9,500, Promise Customers Will Still Get the Same Crappy Service

DHL lays off 9,500 and pulls out of Riverside, Calif. But really, if you’ve been to Riverside, Calif., it’s hard to believe it took them this long. In fact, the experience was so scarring, DHL is pulling out of commercial U.S. domestic shipping altogether. “Riverside, so mindnumbing, so full of meth and white trash, it killed all our hard-won German, almost Nazi-ish, militaristic morale,” said Dieter McGoebbels.

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Just a note

Posted on November 11, 2008 | Leave a comment

ist2_2234414-sickEven the unemployed get sick. It’s not much different from the rest of the week, really, except you growl at your spouse if he or she suggests you do anything around the house (OK, not that much different from the rest of the week.)

So bear with me for a few days while I try not to vomit every hour on the hour.

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