Monthly Archives: November 2008

Nov. 6, 2008: Misery Loves Company!

PeleGoddess-of-the-VolcanoMagma Erupts, Kills 100 Workers

Magma Design Automation sacrifices 100 workers to appease the volcano gods that watch over their San Jose, Calif. tech company.

Circuit City Overloads Breaker, Closes 155 Stores

“Losing 7,300 redundant workers by Dec. 30 will help with the bottom line,” said CEO Geordie McWatt. “We get all our people to bust their butts selling at Xmas, then lay them off. So we gain a lot of money, then don’t have to use any of it for payrol!”

Intersil Decides to Copy Pal, Anadigics, Cuts 140 Jobs

Milpitas, Calif.-based Intersil said it lost business because people confused it with Clearasil. Intersil has no acne fighting qualities.

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Congratulations! You have a job.

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Misery Loves Company! (Nov. 3, 2008)

shasta

Shasta Regional Medical Center Lays Off 150, Vow to Drink Pepsi Instead

“Because Shasta was always an off-brand, it was always hard to get people to come to our hospital,” said CEO McGinty McHMO. “They always wanted to go to Coca-Cola General or Our Lady of Perpetual Pepsi.”

CVS Takes Over Longs Drug, Lay Offs/Closures Begin, Addicts Pissed

About 800 workers will be laid off in Walnut Creek and Antioch, Calif., where workers are feverishly using their employee discounts to buy tons of Sudafed to cook up meth while out-of-work.

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