Ebay Laying Off 1,000, but Could Be Outbid at Last Moment to 1,001
Company officials say the layoffs are necessary to make Ebay stronger against competitors . . . like pawn shops, garage sales and Ponzi scam artists
Pepsico to Lay Off 3,300, Obviously they Switch to Coke
Pepsico plans to lay off 3,300, or the equivalent of six Pepsico plants, five high fructose syrup vats, four caramel coloring packs, three two-liter jugs, two cavities and a Diet Pepsi in a faux tree.
ManiaTV Lays off 20, Needs Lithium
ManiaTV says it will have little if any original programming and will now rely on third-party supplies, causing its mania to subside more into depression.
Gannett to Lay off 3,000, Hopes to Create 21st-Century Hooverville
CEO Bob Dickey [real name] said 3,000 workers losing their jobs will help the company. When asked in what way, the Little Dickey said, “What? Do I look like a mind reader or something!?” and then hit a birdie on the 13th hole.
Poor People Will Line Up to Get Free Food, Newspaper Considers This a Story
Fresno-based food giveaway helps the “food insecure,” or those that clam up around seafood or wear too much cologne/perfume around produce.
