10. Call employed friends at work and tell them you’re wearing “Hello Kitty” pajamas, drinking beer and watching “Oprah.” Ask, “How’s your day?”
9. Buy loads of beer with your first unemployment check.
8. Stay up until 4 a.m. playing “Spore” and listening to ABBA, wake up at noon and head out to the nearest public park. Lay around on grass with laptop beside you, to make people think you’re a rich hipster.
7. Teach cat to walk on a leash.
6. Buy witch hazel for scratches.
5. Write a book. Or lie on the grass with the laptop beside you.
4. Give the gift of life at $100 a cup !
3. Give the gift of life at $8,000 per unpleasant gynecological procedure!
2. Sign up the person who terminated you for embarrassing magazines at the workplace, like American Cheerleader or Twist.
1. Go to a career one-stop, attend a class, and after every key point say in a foreign accent, “Then do I give the happy ending?”
OMG! LMAO This is hilarious.
I always have to get some good trash TV watching in during periods of unemployment, sleep in late and go for walks in the park in the middle of the day. I also went back to school for interior design when I got tired of few opportunities in the publishing world.
Thanks! I wrote it on a day when I looked outside and saw everyone lying on the grass and thought, “What? Don’t they have jobs?!?” and then realized, “Oh, yeah, I don’t have one either.”